Today marks day 6 for this hospital stay. I feel like this stay has overall been much better than last time. Some days are better than others, but I generally am feeling slightly better (or maybe that's just the pain meds talking...)
The morning started out a little rough when one of the GI PA's basically accused me of being a drug abuser and told me I was asking stupid questions about my condition. It left me a little frustrated that she wasn't willing to answer my questions and crazy that she felt like for some reason I wanted to be here in the hospital. The afternoon started to look up though when Dr. Tekola came to visit me. She is the doctor who I believe is over my case and she is the one who performed my colonoscopy.
Dr. Tekola told me that this is going to be a long and slow road to recovery, in which she expects that I will be in and out of the hospital over the next month. (I'm hoping for mostly out!) the reason for this is that they will try to treat me at home on the steroids for as long as they can but when my colon stops absorbing the medicine like it did this time, then I need to come back in and get my steroids through the IV. It really is a shame they can't just let me get my steroids through the IV at home. I feel like that would save a lot of time and effort! As much as I hate the idea of being in and out of the hospital for a month, in the grand scheme of things I would rather do this for a month and try to keep my colon then just go straight to surgery.
For now we are still hoping that I will be able to go home on Wednesday. Before that happens though we need to make sure that I am tolerating food ok, and taking my steroids and my pain medication by mouth only. My poor face is starting to change shape from taking the steroids, and I hate it. My doctor promised me that it will go away as soon as I am off them though.
In the meantime I have decided to live my life in ten minute intervals- otherwise I just get totally overwhelmed and stressed about things that are beyond my control. Our kids have been in great hands all week, but I can't wait to see them on Wednesday (hopefully!) while I'm in the hospital I try to focus on getting better. Today I have been walking laps around the hallways trying to build my strength back up so I can take care of the kids at home. I am also trying to lengthen the time between pain medications so I hopefully won't need to rely on them so much.
I have been so touched this week to learn that our old Ward in Utah has organized a fast for me, and our ward here in Alexandria is doing the same. I really, truly believe in prayers and miracles and I am so grateful for all of the people who care so much about our little family. Thank you, thank you! It
has been especially helpful to have people watching our kids at night (which I know is no easy task with a newborn), so that rob can be in the hospital with me through the night. The night time is generally when my pain is at its peak and it is so comforting to have him here with me so I'm not alone. I'm so grateful for him and for all that he does with balancing school, me, and the kids!
That's all the updates I have for now... Oh and tonight I get to eat real food for the first time on this visit, so here's hoping it all goes well! Love you all!
Monday, April 25, 2016
Saturday, April 23, 2016
In the last two months of my pregnancy I began experiencing mild digestion issues. It wasn't a huge deal, I just found that food was upsetting my stomach more often than normal. I have always had what Rob and I have called a "delicate stomach." Things such as red meat, greasy food, certain vegetables and whole grains, and sometimes dairy products have just never settled well with me. I generally just avoid eating those items and go on with my life like normal. At the end of my pregnancy it seemed that everything was upsetting my stomach. I talked to my OB about it but we just decided it was probably another one of those lovely late-term pregnancy symptoms, like hemorrhoids. (This is also how we rationalized away the amount of blood I was seeing in the toilet). At this point in time I wasn't having any other symptoms so we just decided to wait and see if it would all go away after delivery. After all, there isn't much you can do to treat an 8 month pregnant woman.
As I mentioned in my previous post, Charlotte's delivery was extremely painful. Hindsight is 20/20, and we now know the horrible pains I was having weren't just from labor, but from the Ulcerative Colitis. I felt fairly normal (as normal or as well as anyone feels after giving birth) for the first few days home from the hospital. At about day four I was progressively getting more and more sick. More digestion issues, bleeding, and pain. Things got so bad that I was severely dehydrated and for fear of losing my milk we decided to visit the ER. After a four (yes, four!) hour wait in the ER waiting room in extreme pain they finally got me back to see a doctor. They gave me two IV bags of fluids, some morphine, took some blood and urine samples and then sent me on my way.
At home a few more days passed and I was only getting progressively worse. The pain in my abdomen was getting so intense I could barely walk or stand. My sister contracted a bacteria called C. Diff. Colitis after the birth of her son and she told me my symptoms sounded very similar. At this point I called my OB and visited with him. He told me to go straight to the ER again because of dehydration and he suspected I might have that same bacterial infection that my sister had. At the ER they gave me more fluids, pain killers, urine tests, blood tests, and a CT scan to check my abdomen for blockages or any other issues. The CT showed inflammation in my large intestine but they weren't sure what was causing it because the CT can only show so much. This time they did a stool sample to test for the C. Diff, parasites, a viral infection, or anything that might point them in the right direction. They advised me to see a Gastroenterologist and sent me home.
We called every single Gastroenterologist on the list from my insurance and the soonest anyone could find an appointment for me was the end of April. I knew that was too long but had no idea what else to do, so we made the appointment and began to wait. I eventually was able to get an appointment at a "transitional clinic" for people who had visited an ER but weren't getting any better. Luckily this clinic had some connections and was able to get me an appointment with a GI for the next week at a place called GANV (Gastroenterology Associates of Northern Virginia).
I spent the first night drinking the horrible colonoscopy juice. I wouldn't wish that stuff upon anyone! I told Rob it reminds me of a scene from Harry Potter where Dumbledore has to drink the horrible solution even though he keeps telling Harry to please let him stop. I was Dumbledore and Rob was Harry Potter. It was a very long night, but one gallon of "go-lytley" (who names these things anyway?!) later, I was prepped and ready for my colonoscopy. Unfortunately I now know these will be a big part of my future.
The colonoscopy itself isn't bad, they put me under anesthesia for it. But when I woke up from my short nap we received some very terrible news. The GI doctor who did the procedure said she had never seen a colon as bad as mine. She showed us pictures they had taken and my whole colon was just covered in open ulcer sores, blood, and swelling. She explained that because it was so bad they would do everything in their power to heal the colon with medicine, but there was a large chance that I may need surgery to remove the colon completely. I just started crying right there in the recovery room. Probably most of it was just waking up from the anesthesia, but it just felt so overwhelming to me. How did this even happen?! I have always been so healthy and I felt fine a few months ago, but now suddenly I was on the verge of having major abdominal surgery and my organs removed? Rob was wonderful and made some phone calls to family and friends to let them know what was happening. My sweet mom who had only just left DC got right back on a flight and came out to help with the kids while I was in the hospital. Rob's mom already had a flight booked for that week to see the baby, so she was on her way as well.
They told me I would need to spend about a week in the hospital while they started treatments. I don't remember much about being in the hospital because they had me on some very intense pain medications that made my head a little fuzzy. But, in a nutshell my days consisted of sleeping, getting pain medications, and eating a clear liquid diet. I also wasn't allowed to see my kids because the hospital was under flu restrictions and children under 16 are not permitted on the hospital floors. It was miserable and every day I just kept asking two questions, when can I go home and when can I eat food. We also learned a lot about my new disease. After about a week they finally let me try real food that was part of my new diet "The Low Residue Diet." Basically the diet restricts me from eating raw veggies, nuts, seeds, fresh fruits (except cantaloupe and bananas), whole grains, only two cups of dairy a day, spicy foods (SO lame because I love Mexican food), and rich desserts. Here is a picture of my first real meal- I truly almost cried when I could eat something solid! The white stuff on the right is the bag of food I got through the feeding tube.
We also learned a bit more about my disease, treatment options and surgery options while in the hospital. It is almost overwhelming because I have three different sets of doctors. I have the GI docs, the surgeons, (who I call the vultures because they always come in and circle my hospital bed just staring at my colon like they can't wait to cut me open), and the hospital doctors. Here is a little bit about the disease:
- UC is an autoimmune disease in which the body attacks its own colon. For some reason the body is unable to tell the difference between the healthy and non healthy cells in the gut and it decides to just attack everything at once. This creates large ulcers or sores, bleeding, and extreme abdominal pain and cramping. It makes it so that the colon doesn't absorb nutrients- causing malnutrition, weight loss and anemia.
How do you get UC?
How do you treat UC?
-UC can be treated one of two ways. 1. With medication management for life. 2. With surgery by removing the colon. Obviously we are currently trying for option 1, but because my case was so severe when we started, my doctors aren't entirely sure we will be able to get it to work. Medication management at this point for me includes a lot of pain killers (3 different ones to be exact), blood thinner shots in my stomach, cramping medications, IV steroids for inflammation, pepcid for stomach acid, zofran for nausea, a drug called Imuran once a day to decrease my immune response, and an infusion called Remicade every few weeks to decrease my immune response as well. They also have me on a strictly liquids diet which pretty much sucks. I love food and so it is torture not being able to eat anything. I am also ordered to have a lot of rest because the more I move around the more I upset my stomach. Stress is also a huge trigger for UC, so it is really important that I try not to get stressed out (HA!).
-The surgery is pretty intense, so therefore we are hoping to avoid it. It is a three part surgery. In the first step they will go in and remove the entire colon and place a colostomy bag. There is a one week recovery time in the hospital and then a 6 week recovery time at home where you can't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. After 6 weeks they will do a second surgery to re-route the small intestine to create what they call a "J-Pouch." It is essentially just creating a large intestine out of the end of the small intestine. They will leave the colostomy bag in place, a one week recovery in the hospital and then another 6 week recovery at home. After 6 weeks they will perform the last surgery in which they will be able to remove the colostomy bag and hopefully the small intestine will have learned how to become a large intestine by this point. Again, a one week recovery in the hospital and a 6 week recovery at home. You can see why we are working so hard to save the colon! Even after the surgery is all said and done, nothing will ever be the exact same. I would still be going to the bathroom 4-5 times a day, and once during the night. But, I would no longer have the horrible pain or have to do the medication infusions.
What is the difference between Chron's Disease and UC?
-Chron's disease affects the entire digestive system, all the way from the esophagus to the large intestine. The sores are more spread out, and Chron's can not be fixed with surgery. The two diseases are similar in the fact that they are both IBD (inflammatory bowl diseases) and auto-immune diseases. They are also often treated with similar medications like Humira and Remicade.
My first stay at the hospital lasted 10 days, and I was very ready to go home and see my babies. I had multiple x-rays, MRI scans, CT scans, and many other tests to help diagnose the UC. I was treated with the medications and received my first round of Remicade. I also had to get a PICC line and a feeding tube because my nutrition was so low. (This I blame on them not letting me eat anything other than liquids...) I got to a point where we felt like things were pretty well under control and that I would be able to recover at home. I got to be at home for about a week and then things got really bad. The doctors feel like my colon was so inflamed that it was having trouble absorbing all of the oral medications that I was taking. In the hospital I get most of my medications through the IV so they work fairly quickly and efficiently. Since my colon is so sick its hard to trust whether or not it is absorbing and processing all of the treatments.
We snuck James in one night and I got to have a little dinner date with him. It was so bittersweet to have him there. I loved seeing him but it was so hard to let him leave.
Here are a few of my war wounds from the many, many, many needle pokes:
On Wednesday 4/20 I woke up so sick that Rob and I decided it was best to see the GI. They admitted me to the hospital that day, and I have been here ever since. I was admitted for extreme dehydration, abdominal pain, a horrible UTI (because my medications decrease my immune system), and anemia (due to the loss of blood with bowl movements). Our goal for this visit is to try to decrease the inflammation as much as possible so that when I go home the oral medications will absorb properly. Right now our goal is to be discharged after one week, on April 27th. I'll be honest, right now that seems like one million years away.
Here is a picture of all of my meds: (yikes!)
Being in the hospital and fighting this disease is by far the most difficult trial I have faced in my life. I miss my kids more than I can express and I hate being away from them. James is a good sport, but I can tell it is starting to wear on him and he is acting out. I have only been able to spend just over a week with my newborn baby who is now over a month old.
I feel as if I have overstayed my welcome and taken a mile when I should have only taken an inch with every single person I know. So many friends and people in our ward have done so much for us from making meals, to arranging babysitting, babysitting day and nights (with a newborn!), visiting in the hospital, phone calls, notes, flowers, cleaning my house, etc. I appreciate it all so much and I know I will never in a million years be able to give back for all that we have been given.
I stress every day about whether or not the treatments are actually working. Some days are good and I start to feel better, and then I will have a night that sets everything back and makes me think I'm not responding to the treatments at all. I cry.... a lot. I cry out of frustration at my body, about loneliness, not being able to be with my kids, asking too much of people, worrying about my husband getting behind in law school, the fact that we have to move in three weeks and I can barely walk to the bathroom (let alone pack and move a house!), I worry about money and the costs that come with medical bills. I worry about what happens when I get home- will I be well enough to take care of my kids? What if I need surgery? How will I take care of my kids then? Do I need to try and hire a care giver to help at home? How can we afford that? Will I ever be able to live a normal life and go out to eat real food? Will I ever be able to spend time with my family and do happy and fun things again? Does God actually hear and answer prayers? How long is He willing to let me suffer? Do I have enough faith to see this through?
I try to stay as positive as I can and as faithful as I can because deep down I know that positivity and faith can go a long way in healing. But, I am still human, and I still have moments where I just wish it could all be over and done with. I have moments where I break down and cry, or shout out in anger. I wish I could say that I didn't have moments like that. I just feel as if everything has been taken away from me, even down to my dignity and my privacy. There is nothing like having 20 people a day asking about your bathroom habits or helping you shower because you are too weak to do it on your own.
I have to give a major shout out to my incredible husband. He has taken on so much and has not complained once about it. He takes care of me at the hospital, visits the kids each day and tries to take James to do something fun, he is going to classes, completing projects (finals are just around the corner), arranging people to watch the kids, and drives back and forth all over Northern Virginia to make sure we are all ok. I don't know what I would do without him and I am so grateful to have him by my side through all of this.
Today I got special permission to go downstairs so I could see James and Charlotte. The hospital is still under flu restrictions and so kids are not allowed on the upper floors. They also have me on the oncology floor where people's immune systems are really low, so it is important to not let little kids around them since little kids have so many germs.
Well, I think that brings us up to date for now. I will try to keep this blog updated at least every few days, and hopefully from now on they can be much shorter posts. Thank you again to everyone who has helped us and prayed for us. I appreciate every little thing more than you will ever know. Please keep praying and sending positive thoughts our way. The next few weeks and months will be difficult ones for our family and I apologize in advance for being takers instead of givers. We pray for all of you each night as well and thank our Heavenly Father for the incredible support system we have been blessed with.
In the end I know that everything will work out as our Heavenly Father intends for it to.
love to you all
Friday, April 22, 2016
As I mentioned in the last post, we thought Miss Charlotte would be joining our family in early March. James was a big baby and it was too stressful for my body, so it was important to me and my OB that we try to avoid having another big baby. Originally his plan was to strip my membranes starting at 37 weeks. Unfortunately my body wasn't even remotely ready, and so we were stuck waiting the old fashioned way.
We finally decided to do an induction the night before Charlotte's due date. This was a date that I had picked to be most comfortable with. Because I was neither dilated or effaced at my 38 week appointment, I was worried an induction would result in a C-Section. I also didn't want to go over my due date because I worried she would be too big or we would have other complications.
So, that night I ate my "last supper" at Olive Garden with my mom, James and Rob. Little did I know at that point that it truly would be my last supper for the next month! After dinner we headed home to get James settled to go to bed and then pack our bags for the hospital. I was scheduled to be induced at 8 pm, with a hospital check in time of 7 pm.
Before leaving for the hospital I was given a blessing by Rob and our friend, Jordan. It was so comforting to me to have a blessing before we left and to have peace that all would go well with the delivery.
Checking in to the hospital went fairly quickly, we got a room and waited for my doctor to come. When he checked me I had dilated to a 2, was 90% effaced and was actually having contractions on my own! So we skipped the gel and headed straight for the pitocin. Anyone who has been induced knows it is a long process, so we all knew we would be in it for the long haul. Rob turned on CNN to catch up with some politics, and my doctor hung out with us as well. (He's the best OB in the world).
It was a long night and to be honest I can't remember much about it. In order to speed things along they decided it was time to break my water. We decided it was best to get the epidural prior to breaking the water just in case the contractions came on too strong. Getting the epidural was quite the painful ordeal- it was just so different from my experience with James. The anesthesiologist made me get it sitting up in the C-curve position, and he put it more in my side than in my spine. With James I got it laying down and it went right in the middle of my back. My left leg went numb for about 10 minutes and then all of my feeling came back. I told them I didn't think it was working and so they gave me more medicine, but nothing was happening.
At this point my contractions were coming on quite strong and I felt a HUGE urge to start pushing. My doctor checked me but I was only dilated to an 8 and so I wasn't allowed to push. Have you ever tried to go against the urge to push?! It's impossible! There was a lot of screaming (thanks to a horrible epidural) and crying as I tried my best not to push for what seemed liked hours. Finally I was fully dilated and allowed to push. The room was packed with nurses and doctors because there was some mecuonium in the water when they broke it, and they needed to make sure Charlotte hadn't swallowed any once she was born. We pushed for a few hours and it felt like nothing was happening. She would come out a little bit and then slide back in. She was in a crooked position and was "sunny side up" as they say- with her face presenting first instead of the back of her head. My OB rotated my body a couple of times as we tried to get her to turn, but nothing helped.
Rob kept telling me to use the mirror because he felt like I did better with a mirror when I delivered James, but for some reason I was being stubborn and kept telling him no. Finally I gave in and used the mirror. Once I could see her cute little head and dark brown hair I pushed with everything I had. It was so much more painful than my delivery with James, but shortly after using the mirror our little Charlotte was here! She came out screaming and angry and I have never been so happy to hear a baby cry! It was a huge relief to know it was all over! They let me give her a quick kiss before the NICU team took her to suction her out.
Miss Charlotte Adeline Starling arrived at 5:20 am, weighing in at 8 pounds, 1 ounce, and 20.5 inches long. She is perfect in every single way. Rob and I got about an hour to do skin to skin with her in the delivery room before we moved to the mother and baby floor.
It is crazy to me how different my experiences were between James and Charlotte. Charlotte was definitely a harder birth, but I was more prepared to handle it because I already had James. My dad flew in the night before and so my parents were able to watch James and spend time with him while Rob and I were in the hospital with Charlotte. It was so nice knowing he was in good hands while we adjusted to this new baby girl. The hospital I delivered at was under flu restrictions, which meant no one under 16 was allowed to visit. Poor James had to wait three whole days to meet his baby sister and it was so hard for him! He wanted nothing more than to meet her, and he was so excited when we finally got to come home.
Charlotte had a little bit of Jaundice so we had to take her in for color and weight checks for the first couple of days we were home, but other than that she was perfectly healthy!
(right after she was born- don't judge me, I am not one of those women
who looks beautiful while giving birth!)
Enjoy the photo dump:
In the week after Charlotte's birth, we enjoyed lots of snuggles, celebrated Easter, and more special dates for James.
Meeting his baby sister on the first day home:
Rob took James to see Zootopia, which James calls "Zooptia" or the "bunny rabbit show."
He thought it was the best thing ever and asks to watch it every day! It clearly will have to be one we purchase when it comes out!
Decorating Easter Eggs:
James also thinks eating a happy meal inside Mcdonald's is the best thing in the world.
Especially when hot wheels cars are the prize! This little guy loves his cheeseburgers!
This was another special daddy/James date while we were in the hospital with Charlotte.
Opening his Easter basket- he was SO thrilled to get a new hat!
We have been blessed with the most wonderful little family in the whole world. They are my everything, and I am so grateful to have such an amazing husband by my side to raise these two kiddos. We had such an amazing few days at home with both kids before things took a turn for the worse with my health.
Up Next: Ulcerative Colitis
The last month and a half have been such a whirlwind of emotions, and keeping up with this blog has definitely been on the bottom of my priority list. I decided that maybe keeping up with the blog would be a good way to keep everyone updated on our family and my condition instead of having to explain everything a million times. But before we get to the hospital visits and diagnosis, lets start with something fun and remember the beginning of March.
March brought some warmer weather to us in DC, and so James and I tried to take advantage of as many park days as we could before baby sister arrived. We also discovered Taco Tuesday at Cafe Rio ($1.75 tacos? Yes please!)- which just happens to be right next to the park. Man, how I miss those days so much right now.
I was so nervous about how James would react to the new baby, so it was important to me to try and give him as many special days with just him as I possibly could before the baby came. James loves to go bowling, so Rob came home from school early one day so we could take him on a special date. There is nothing this little guy loves more in the world than bowling and french fries.
Originally we thought Miss Charlotte would be coming before her due date. James was a big baby, and my OB wanted to avoid the trauma that comes with having a big baby. He was planning to strip my membranes at the beginning of March, so my mom flew out early to be sure she didn't miss the birth. As it turned out I wasn't even remotely dilated or effaced, so my OB was unable to strip my membranes. My mom was such a trooper and we waited for Miss Charlotte to come the old fashioned way. We had two amazing weeks where we just got to play with Grandma. I know those weeks were hard for her to be away from my dad, but I am so grateful we had those special weeks together.
We did A LOT of walking to try and get Miss Charlotte out. We walked in the mall on cold days, the zoo and parks on warmer days. We even visited the Udvar-Hazy Air and Space Museum to try and get some more steps in!
We also hit up IHOP for some free pancakes on International Pancake Day.
(James LOVES pancakes!)
My sweet mom made her famous oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I had been craving them for months and I was so excited to finally get some fresh ones! James loved helping Grandma make them.
We worked on some sewing crafts during nap time, and made these sweet swaddle blankets for Charlotte:
As with all Grandma visits- there was quite a bit of ice cream involved!
We went to the ward Easter party where James loved playing games, doing crafts, and of course collecting eggs full of candy! He was all business this year, trying to hold as many eggs as he could!
My mom spent her birthday with us, so we went out to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, and then came home to do cake, ice cream, and presents!
All of the partying with grandma wore out this little guy! We found him totally crashed on the couch one night after dinner. I don't think he has EVER fallen asleep anywhere but in his bed. It was quite the miracle!
We had so much fun playing together as a family and with Grandma before Charlotte came. I wouldn't have changed anything about this time we had together, especially knowing what I know now. The Lord truly blessed us with some happy, healthy, and fun weeks.
Up Next: Miss Charlotte's Birth Story!